I've moved my blog to www.ScorpioVamp.com a while back but forgot to post it here. I've been blogging about all the books I've been reading and more things happening in my life including a new dreams.
Hope you come there and visit my new blog.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
The End of the Book
I found Anita Blake not too long ago and fell in love with her world. I can't put the books down... however, whenever I get near the end of the book or finish it, I get sad and mourn the end of each book like if I had lost a piece of my own world.
So I went to my yoga class, (yes vampires do yoga too) and meditated on it. After a great guided meditation, I got in the car still puzzle and angry and sad about finishing the book. It only happens when I read Anita's books. So I put some rock and speed up back to the island after class still thinking why.
When I got home I rushed to order the next book. I figured that would help me get over it. I kept telling myself: "there are more books left to read and Laurell still writing more!"
But it didn't help me... so I stayed on the computer looking for other books and promised myself this is the last one cause it makes me too emotional.
The next book came and I read it. And the sadness started. Then I read Laurell's blog about what happens to her after she finishes writing the book. It helped me understand my "grieving" process after I'm done reading her books.
I identify with the monsters, I know because for many years I felt like a monster. I always thought that the "bad" things in my life must have been because I deserve them and was my karma from doing horrible things possibly in a past life. I carried that with me for many years.
Until the Blue Moon in 2007 when I saw a spiritual counselor that helped me deal with this. She explained that I was given this oppurtunity to explore other aspects of my life that I may not have done in previous ones. What happened to me is not a gift or a blessing, I would not give this to anyone. But it had made me the person I am today and not a monster.
So I went to my yoga class, (yes vampires do yoga too) and meditated on it. After a great guided meditation, I got in the car still puzzle and angry and sad about finishing the book. It only happens when I read Anita's books. So I put some rock and speed up back to the island after class still thinking why.
When I got home I rushed to order the next book. I figured that would help me get over it. I kept telling myself: "there are more books left to read and Laurell still writing more!"
But it didn't help me... so I stayed on the computer looking for other books and promised myself this is the last one cause it makes me too emotional.
The next book came and I read it. And the sadness started. Then I read Laurell's blog about what happens to her after she finishes writing the book. It helped me understand my "grieving" process after I'm done reading her books.
I identify with the monsters, I know because for many years I felt like a monster. I always thought that the "bad" things in my life must have been because I deserve them and was my karma from doing horrible things possibly in a past life. I carried that with me for many years.
Until the Blue Moon in 2007 when I saw a spiritual counselor that helped me deal with this. She explained that I was given this oppurtunity to explore other aspects of my life that I may not have done in previous ones. What happened to me is not a gift or a blessing, I would not give this to anyone. But it had made me the person I am today and not a monster.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Little Girl Died & I'm Fine
"I was in a store of antiques that also sold food and clothes. There was a woman with my uncle, a think a friend of his. She had a little girl with her... she was dressed in a cute white summer dress. The little girl had blond hair cut a bit lower than her shoulders. I didn't know then or their names. As we walked around the store looking at things, the mother completely ignored the little girl the whole time. When we got to a smaller room of the store where the most expensive antiques were displayed, the little girl touched everything as if her mother would finally pay attention to her. I felt bad because I knew the feeling. The little girl finally gave up and ran outside the store. The mother didn't run after her, just stayed behind with my uncle. I ran after the little girl but was too late... she was struck by something in the street... a truck... who knows... and died! I picked her up and held her in my arms for a long time wondering how I could get her back to life... but she was gone... and her mother didn't care. I cried and cried and knew there was no way to get her back."
- and then I woke up...
As I woke up from this dream, I realized I was the little girl. The little girl in me died years ago, before I even remember. I was always an adult.
I am now over it and fine about not having a childhood. I got over it about 12 years ago with tons of hard work. But I am finally able to face a dream like this and not be depressed and/or feel sorry for myself.
The little girl died and I am fine. I didn't blame anyone, didn't hurt anyone, didn't want to die. And I'm proud that I'm fine and able to be happy and thankful for my life, with all ups and downs, I'm fine.
- and then I woke up...
As I woke up from this dream, I realized I was the little girl. The little girl in me died years ago, before I even remember. I was always an adult.
I am now over it and fine about not having a childhood. I got over it about 12 years ago with tons of hard work. But I am finally able to face a dream like this and not be depressed and/or feel sorry for myself.
The little girl died and I am fine. I didn't blame anyone, didn't hurt anyone, didn't want to die. And I'm proud that I'm fine and able to be happy and thankful for my life, with all ups and downs, I'm fine.
Friday, February 12, 2010
How Anita Blake Helped Me
I haven't told any of my friends or my husband about this blog. I opened it because I see it as a way to share things that I would normally not feel comfortable talking about. Most related to my obsession for vampires.
Reading vampire books has helped me open about my true self. Specially Anita Blake. She reminds me of me in many ways. But in reality was has inspired me lately is the author, Laurell K. Hamilton.
I have been working very hard the last 8-9 years to deal with the monsters in my past and the scars they left me with. I do owe a lot of the progress to my husband. But even with his support, I have felt that he has his own agenda and I left parts of me behind. Simple things that make a difference.
For example, out taste is music is not the same. So I would opt to hear his music and never play mine. I would read his kind of books and not mine (fiction, vampires, crime, etc). I found Anita and with her stories I found me again without hurting my relationship.
So now I feel more myself and I'm ready to take on the next chapter in my life, where I can share more of myself and not be afraid of who I am.
After this post, I will go pick up from the library "NARCISSUS IN CHAINS" which is the tenth book of the Anita Blake series.... and we'll see where that takes me in my spiritual journey!
Thank you Anita!
Feel free to share your Anita story with me....
Reading vampire books has helped me open about my true self. Specially Anita Blake. She reminds me of me in many ways. But in reality was has inspired me lately is the author, Laurell K. Hamilton.
I have been working very hard the last 8-9 years to deal with the monsters in my past and the scars they left me with. I do owe a lot of the progress to my husband. But even with his support, I have felt that he has his own agenda and I left parts of me behind. Simple things that make a difference.
For example, out taste is music is not the same. So I would opt to hear his music and never play mine. I would read his kind of books and not mine (fiction, vampires, crime, etc). I found Anita and with her stories I found me again without hurting my relationship.
So now I feel more myself and I'm ready to take on the next chapter in my life, where I can share more of myself and not be afraid of who I am.
After this post, I will go pick up from the library "NARCISSUS IN CHAINS" which is the tenth book of the Anita Blake series.... and we'll see where that takes me in my spiritual journey!
Thank you Anita!
Feel free to share your Anita story with me....
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The One I Never Forget
The dream that keeps repeating and never forgot... That's the one!
It was after dark and I was in the rook of a building with my vampire. I was some months pregnant and was unable to let him feed from me because of the pregnancy. He loved me so much he didn't want to hurt me, but I was sad because I could not meet his needs. He left me there on the roof and flew away to find "food" and I stayed watching fly away resenting the unborn child. After some hours my vampire came back after he fed. Of course I was sad and wished that hadn't happened.
I woke up from the dream and since then it's been one of the dreams that I haven't forgotten. It actually continued to play and developed over the years like a TV series would. I have these images very clear in my head, like a memory from the past.
I've been fascinated with vampires for many years and didn't know why. I didn't ask for them, they found me in my dreams. So I have decided to read, research, and analyze why that is.
As I read and educate myself on the mythology, I realize that I wanted something-someone to protect me from the real monsters in my life. I wanted someone to protect me at night while I slept. That's when the monster had attacked me.
Vampires are the good guys in my dreams, they are always there to save me.
It was after dark and I was in the rook of a building with my vampire. I was some months pregnant and was unable to let him feed from me because of the pregnancy. He loved me so much he didn't want to hurt me, but I was sad because I could not meet his needs. He left me there on the roof and flew away to find "food" and I stayed watching fly away resenting the unborn child. After some hours my vampire came back after he fed. Of course I was sad and wished that hadn't happened.
I woke up from the dream and since then it's been one of the dreams that I haven't forgotten. It actually continued to play and developed over the years like a TV series would. I have these images very clear in my head, like a memory from the past.
I've been fascinated with vampires for many years and didn't know why. I didn't ask for them, they found me in my dreams. So I have decided to read, research, and analyze why that is.
As I read and educate myself on the mythology, I realize that I wanted something-someone to protect me from the real monsters in my life. I wanted someone to protect me at night while I slept. That's when the monster had attacked me.
Vampires are the good guys in my dreams, they are always there to save me.
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