The Little Girl Died & I'm Fine

"I was in a store of antiques that also sold food and clothes. There was a woman with my uncle, a think a friend of his. She had a little girl with her... she was dressed in a cute white summer dress. The little girl had blond hair cut a bit lower than her shoulders. I didn't know then or their names. As we walked around the store looking at things, the mother completely ignored the little girl the whole time. When we got to a smaller room of the store where the most expensive antiques were displayed, the little girl touched everything as if her mother would finally pay attention to her. I felt bad because I knew the feeling. The little girl finally gave up and ran outside the store. The mother didn't run after her, just stayed behind with my uncle. I ran after the little girl but was too late... she was struck by something in the street... a truck... who knows... and died! I picked her up and held her in my arms for a long time wondering how I could get her back to life... but she was gone... and her mother didn't care. I cried and cried and knew there was no way to get her back."

- and then I woke up...

As I woke up from this dream, I realized I was the little girl. The little girl in me died years ago, before I even remember. I was always an adult.

I am now over it and fine about not having a childhood. I got over it about 12 years ago with tons of hard work. But I am finally able to face a dream like this and not be depressed and/or feel sorry for myself.

The little girl died and I am fine. I didn't blame anyone, didn't hurt anyone, didn't want to die. And I'm proud that I'm fine and able to be happy and thankful for my life, with all ups and downs, I'm fine.

How Anita Blake Helped Me

I haven't told any of my friends or my husband about this blog. I opened it because I see it as a way to share things that I would normally not feel comfortable talking about. Most related to my obsession for vampires.
Reading vampire books has helped me open about my true self. Specially Anita Blake. She reminds me of me in many ways. But in reality was has inspired me lately is the author, Laurell K. Hamilton.
I have been working very hard the last 8-9 years to deal with the monsters in my past and the scars they left me with. I do owe a lot of the progress to my husband. But even with his support, I have felt that he has his own agenda and I left parts of me behind. Simple things that make a difference.
For example, out taste is music is not the same. So I would opt to hear his music and never play mine. I would read his kind of books and not mine (fiction, vampires, crime, etc). I found Anita and with her stories I found me again without hurting my relationship.
So now I feel more myself and I'm ready to take on the next chapter in my life, where I can share more of myself and not be afraid of who I am.
After this post, I will go pick up from the library "NARCISSUS IN CHAINS" which is the tenth book of the Anita Blake series.... and we'll see where that takes me in my spiritual journey!

Thank you Anita!

Feel free to share your Anita story with me....